did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
