I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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