Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize