I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize