well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
