Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
