Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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