I heard we made out
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
