guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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