my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
where does the pee come out of this thing
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
