I think scott just propositioned me for sex
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
