Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize