Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
