i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
