i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize