Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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