i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
