She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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