In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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