like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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