yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My breasts were aching with rage.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
