If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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