i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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