I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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