THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
