sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
