My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Bring me that man meat
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
