It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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