I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am available for nakedness
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize