she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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