This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize