She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
