Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
