Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
