Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
