alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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