Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
