I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
