i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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