Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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