i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
