I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
