Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
