I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize