do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
