When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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