Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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