I haven't been this sober since birth.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
