Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
