Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
50% drunk capacity currently
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
