in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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