Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
