He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
