we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
