I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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