I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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