bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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