when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
