i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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