Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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