Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
