The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
