just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I could make wine with my vomit
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
