me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
