He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
