Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
