I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize