I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
