Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
