Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
