Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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