I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
