did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
