just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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