i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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