people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I checked into jail on foursquare
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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