We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
