Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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