it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
