i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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