break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
