are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
