So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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