Christians are straight up FREAKS
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Boobs are out for the taking
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
