I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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