I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
