This is not my ceiling
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Couch. On fire.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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