This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
