Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
pop tarts are not kleenex
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
