look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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