I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
