I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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