I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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