the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All the doctor said was why
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
