I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize