dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
