doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
