Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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