Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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