Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
