Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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