worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
